Why God made cauliflower—pizza crust!

Wish you could taste this pizza, the crust of which was made without wheat.
Would you believe cheese, eggs and cauliflower? 

God made cauliflower for low-carbers, and especially for pizza crust! Who knew? Cauliflower is a hero vegetable for carb avoiders. It fills in for mashed potatoes, potatoes au gratin, and for spuds in soups and stews. Even though PK still eats a lot of rice, and we both eat potatoes when they're in season in the garden, cauliflower has taken a major role in our diet. But the cauliflower-based pizza crust came as a surprise even to me. It sounds so revolting, so not right with pepperoni. So mushy and faintly gassy. So white. None of the above! I would defy anyone who didn't know cauliflower was in the crust to call it out.

Now the question, why bother? Why not just trot out the whole wheat and yeast?

I've been a low-carb diet practitioner for a decade. Limiting carbs is part of my ordinary life.  But it was just recently that a long-ago friend introduced me to a new concept: no effing wheat. At her urging (that would be Grace McGran's urging) I read the damn book, Wheat Belly, and added another layer of complication to my life. It has been a few months, I think, since wheat was banished. I'm adjusting.
After reading Wheat Belly, it made perfect sense to eliminate sprouted grain breads and pastas and low-carb tortillas, which had been staples in my diet, and also PK's, for the past several years.  It's cold turkey time. PK even quit making his breads.

I'm not going to get all heavy about the wheat. I know I sound like a nut case to people who haven't yet tuned in to dietary undercurrents that are gaining mainstream momentum. Such as:

• The every-calorie-counts theory is bogus. Does anyone really believe that calories in refined carbohydrates are of equal value to calories in fresh vegetables or eggs, just to mention two?
• Dietary cholesterol is insignificant in cardiac disease. Ditch the statins.
•  "Healthy whole grains" are a myth.
•  Healthy fats, including many saturated fats—especially coconut oil—are actually beneficial for weight loss and overall health. 
• Excess carbohydrate consumption is a major cause of type two diabetes and heart disease. 

After several decades of persistent conventional wisdom to the contrary, the above statements are gaining respect and scientific evidence. Take wheat for example."Modern wheat" has been modified for greater yield and profit. As a result of ongoing tinkering, two slices of whole wheat bread are equivalent to more than 2 tablespoons of sugar that slam into the bloodstream like a wave of type 2 diabetes. Doesn't matter if it's whole wheat, sprouted wheat, or white bread. Read Wheat Belly. There's much, much more to learn about why citizens of the USA have ballooned.

When following  a low-carb and wheat-free diet: you do not worry about fat (unless it is a factory generated chemical-laden bomb such as margarine or other trans fats—anything hydrogenated.). Forget about counting calories. Count carbs. There are so many good books: Good Calories, Bad Calories by Gary Taubes; Life Without Bread, by Christian B. Allan, PhD and Wolfgang Lutz, MD, and Wheat Belly, a NYT bestseller by Dr. Davis, a prevention cardiologist. Here's the Wheat Belly website. Everywhere you go, you see wheat bellies (and wheat boobs and butts) all over the place. Got a wheat belly, or know someone who does? Read the book. Read the book. Read all of them.

After all my years of low-carbness, it hasn't been that shocking to give up wheat and all that that entails.

Pizza? That's another thing. I love pizza and used to make a killer crispy-thin whole wheat crust. Lately I've taken to eating pizza toppings and leaving the crust on the plate. But now I have options! One is the zucchini-based crust engineered by my friend Grace. Love it. Another is the crust I've made three times. I had to try it multiple times because we couldn't believe that it was made from cauliflower. Sheesh! Turn the page, right? But seriously. It tastes great.And, like Grace's zucchini crust, requires no more toil than a traditional wheat-based crust.

I take absolutely NO credit for developing this recipe. Versions of it are legion. It was a surprise to discover a myriad of cauliflower-based pizza crust recipes, and also to learn that great pizza does not need to ride on a sled of carb-ridden blood-sugar-boosting wheat.

I could go on. Instead, here's one version of the cauliflower/cheese/egg pizza crust. Please, just trust me.   Try it. I realize it seems so unlikely. Even PK, that picky bastard, thought it was super tasty.

Cauliflower and Cheese Pizza Crust
2 cups riced and cooked cauliflower

2 eggs
2 cups shredded mozzarella cheese, or a combo of mozzarella and cheddar
2 tsp dried oregano (optional)
4 tsp dried parsley (optional)
1/4 cup olive oil (optional)

Directions
Preheat the oven to 420. Cut up half of a large fresh cauliflower and  "rice" in a food processor.

First of two batches to "rice."

Ricing completed.

Place into a microwave-safe container, cover, and nuke on high for 8 minutes. When finished, quickly remove the cover and let the steam escape. Cool. You want the cauliflower to be relatively dry.

Microwaved for 8 minutes and cooled. 

Beat the eggs lightly and mix with 2 cups of cauliflower. Add the herbs and olive oil, if using. I didn't use herbs or olive oil because my toppings included oil-rich pesto and herb-heavy homemade pizza sauce.

Riced cauliflower mixed with two eggs. 

Shredded mozzarella added.

Pressed onto a greased jelly roll pan

Removed from the oven after baking in pre-heated oven at 420 for 15 minutes. 

Reduce oven to 375 and add toppings. Mine included basil pesto, homemade pizza sauce (thick) cooked Italian sausage, raw onions, and drained, chopped marinated artichoke hearts. It doesn't matter what you add so long as the meats are cooked and nothing is soupy. Almost any chopped veggie works so long as it doesn't release a lot of water. Saute ahead stuff like zucchini or mushrooms. Bake 15 minutes. Turn off oven and remove pizza. Top with your cheese of choice and return to oven for a few minutes to melt cheese. I also added strips of fresh basil.

You can actually pick it up and eat it with your hands, like "real" pizza crust.

We ate almost the whole thing!

Note: The third time I made cauliflower/cheese/egg pizza crust, I lined the pan with parchment paper. This is good if you want to avoid any sticking. However, it is bad if you prefer a crispier crust and are willing to risk a little burning around the edges. Next time, no parchment paper and a little more oil on the pan.