Travel Tips for Geezers

First off. Who and what are geezers?

The mental image is not good. Toothless. Slack jawed. Sagging gut. Plummeting boobs. Ambulatory devices. Bad hats. Turkey necks. Crow's feet. Flaccid male units. Batwing upper arms. Bingo and Old Maid. Ensure, oatmeal and smashed bananas. On it goes.

Here he is. The stereotypical geezer. This guy is actually old, maybe 90-something?

But some people think they're old at 50, 60 or 65. I'm 70, which is, of course, very old! I am approaching geezerdom for sure. But like almost everyone I know close to my age, I don't think of myself as "old'" until I get ambushed by a mirror.  By the time we actually become geezers, I don't think we realize it, and that's merciful. "Geezer," in our culture, is not a pleasing self description When we call ourselves geezers, we mean it as a joke, right?

I found this photo, and others on this post, when I Googled "geezer images." I like these guys because they don't really fit the stereotypical geezer image because we can't see their faces, or other parts,  and I think most still have their teeth. But I'm sure glad I don't have to do their laundry. Plus, they're on the move, going someplace out of their comfort zone. Maybe they'll go swimming in their top hats, then have tea? They're not geezers yet. And where are the women?

Here we are, obsessing about boobs again. Mostly, we
obsess about body image and wrinkles and grey hair. And
necks are just a huge problem.

God, it's depressing! And it is WRONG! All wrong to consign humans past a
certain age to ridiculousness.  I know many of us who are approaching geezer age, whatever number that may be, joke about being geezers but don't really believe for even a minute that we are. Right? We know geezers, we've seen them and maybe have one or two in the family, or the tribe, or whatever group we're aligned with. But us? Geezers? No way! Not yet. Not yet.

Great juxtaposition here, doncha think?
Had to be a set up. Random photo grabbed
from Google images.

My friend JoAnne Heron took the photo below of her mate, Fayette, when they toured Europe in 2014. I think this was in Ireland. Can you imagine this sign in the US?! I love JoAnne's caption.

Just one more.....

Let's get to travel tips for people past a certain age—the  age at which they think they are finally irretrievably old.

I'm getting serious now. I spent seven recent years with my mom, who never seemed like a geezer, even at age 98.9, at which time she was liberated from her rebellious body, sightless eyes and soundless ears, to join my dear loving father at the Ft. Snelling Cemetery in Minnesota. May they rest in peace.

Back to the topic. During those seven years, in my mom's various living arrangements, I saw some geezers. The most geezer-like behavior I witnessed was a man who yanked out his false teeth after eating in the facility's dining room, and licked them sensuously before sliding them  back into his mouth. Smack, slurp. Not a lick of mashed potatoes remained!

Then I was repulsed. Now I am sympathetic, because I'm certain that during most of his life, that guy would never have done that.

Speaking of "never have done that," many of us geezerdom-avoiding  people have lots of weighty stuff on our bucket lists, things we want to do but never have done, and we damn well better get moving before we're too old and we can't.

I'm talking about PK and me now. We had a pesky foreign travel itch that went unscratched for decades due to our jobs, raising two fabulous boys—which we wouldn't have missed for anything—inadequate finances, and then elder care.

 PK and I are now embroiled in travel frenzy. It began in 2010 when we finally spent a couple weeks in Costa Rica with friends who own a place, there, then in 2013 with a fabulous trip to Africa and on to Nepal in 2014 with Nepal. We've learned some things, which we try to remember as we leave for extended periods our much-loved home of 40 years.

Travel Tips for Geezers (even though you aren't one)

• Leave your comfort zone. Just leave it and go somewhere truly foreign. What's the worst that can happen? 
• Ok. So leaving your comfort zone totally isn't for you, but tours abroad are really good practice.
• If you do strike off on your own, make a plan, a framework to work within for when the doodoo hits the fan.
• Give up the idea that you're in control. You can make a plan, but random stuff  occurs. ( If I was younger, I'd say "random shit") And sometimes  random shit is good. In fact, "random" is a great reason to travel.  Embrace the unexpected.
• Open your heart and mind to anything that comes your way.
• Relax, please. Nothing is fun if your jaw is tight and your rectum is clamped. Loosen up!
• Be generous in spirit and respectful toward people from other cultures. 
• Pack light, light, light. Seriously. Pack as if you'll have to carry your luggage up six flights of stairs because you might.
• Whatever your age, don't worry about it. (Repeat.)
• Whatever your age, don't worry. Did I already say that?
• Remember that "geezer" is not a universal word or concept, and in many cultures, unfortunately not ours, elders are revered. If your teeth are long enough, go abroad for the reverence!

PK and I are on the front end of  a month-long road trip, nothing exotic, except maybe for swimming with whale sharks and sea lions in the Sea of Cortez, or cozying up in a small (guided) boat to get close to grey whales and blue whales.

Mostly though, we'll be visiting friends, sightseeing, hiking, riding our bikes, seeing Death Valley, the Grand Canyon, and various wonders of Utah.

On the way, I hope there are lots of surprises and that I'll have time and energy to post some travel blogs. That is if PK and I do not succumb to elderly heat.