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A few years ago I met Pauline, then 91, at an annual July 4 celebration at the forest home of her son and wife in nearby Wimer, OR, an unincorporated rural community. As told in the post I wrote then, she impressed me with her youthful appearance, her bright spirit, and her formula for graceful aging.
I loved seeing her again at this year's July 4 party. She'd driven from Southern California, about 1,000 miles, with her younger friend, who is only 88 , Thick traffic.
A week or so later, I called her at her home in California and heard the abbreviated story of her life. It isn't that Pauline hasn't experienced tragedies, rough spots, and even health problems. But she never let bad things beat her down. Pauline lost her husband in 2012 after a two-year siege of aggressive prostate cancer. Earlier in life, her fourth child, the couple's only daughter, died when she was just two-and-a-half and childhood leukemia was still a death sentence. (Survival rate has improved dramatically.) Most of her long-time friends are gone.
"I don't know what was worse," she says. "Losing a child or losing my husband after 71 years."
She also has had her own health problems. She lost her thyroid to Hashimoto's disease when she was young and had back surgery in her sixties. The upside? Back rehab introduced her to stretching and back-strengthening exercises, which she still performs daily.
Despite some emotional and physical setbacks, she remained vital and interested in all that life has to offer, including intimacy, which continued for the couple into their late eighties/early nineties, far past "quittin time" for most.
"The last time we made love, he was 90 and had not yet been diagnosed with cancer," she recalls. "Once he started treatment, life as we knew it was over. It was very sad. I think he should not have had radiation at his age. He would have died anyway, but he would have had a better quality of life."
He died in her arms in the house they'd occupied for 58 years, a home she vows not to leave.
"I'll probably die right here," she says. "My boys worry about me and want me to move closer to family, but I can't leave my home."
Not that she's thinking about dying anytime soon. "I know it's coming, but I do not dwell on it,' she says, dismissing death as if it's something you can stash in the cupboard and take out if you want to get philosophical.
What she focuses on is enjoying life and staying healthy. I vote for that! Here's what she does, and what she thinks, about elements believed to be important to longevity and living a vibrant life.
Good genes: She doesn't necessarily have them. Her father died in his 50s and her mother her 70s. Her three siblings are also deceased. The last to depart was an older sister, who died at 88.
Cosmetic surgery: She hasn't had it. For years she used a dermatologist-prescribed skin cream that contained Retin-A. Now she uses an over-the-counter Neutrogena product containing retin-A.
Diet: She's no purist, and says she's eaten the same way her entire life: meat, potatoes, a vegetable and salad for dinner in small portions. Now that she's alone, she doesn't cook much. "I HATE to cook" she insists, but she sometimes drives to a nearby Kentucky Fried Chicken franchise for takeout.
Medications: She takes thyroid meds as her thyroid was removed. She takes one-a day vitamins and calcium.
The surprise in her medicine cabinet is something hardly anyone her age is prescribed ......are you ready.....ESTROGEN. She has been taking it daily for 45 years, ever since her uterus was removed due to endometriosis in her mid-forties.
"My doctor doesn't want to keep prescribing it, but I keep insisting!" she says.
Why don't all post-menopausal women clamor for estrogen? Is the hormone the underlying secret to her good health and her good looks? I'm not going to tackle trying to answer that question, but it is food for thought.
One thing I do know is that estrogen if taken alone causes thickening of the uterine walls and may trigger cancer. That's why menopausal women are prescribed progesterone in combination with estrogen, to negate estrogen's effects on the uterus. But Pauline doesn't have a uterus. And in 45 years on estrogen, she's suffered no ill effects and perhaps enjoyed some highly beneficial ones.
Sleep: She gets 8-10 unmedicated hours a night, and rarely naps.
Exercise: Religious about it. She puts in a half-hour every morning before she has coffee or breakfast. She does stretching and strengthening exercises beginning by drawing her legs into her chest before she gets out of bed. She cleans her own house but hires a gardener for the lawn and landscaping.
She still walks a mile most days and recalls with fondness when she and her husband walked every day around two lakes near their home. She grew up dancing and still loves it. She sometimes plays her favorite music, mostly 40s era big band tunes, and dances around the house. Dances around the house.
I have to ask. When's the last time you danced around your house? When's the last time I danced around mine? I'm with Pauline in believing that dancing is the best of all aerobic activities and that it elevates mood right along with heart rate.
It goes without saying that Pauline does not require a walker or a cane, let alone a wheelchair.
Soundness of mind: "A lot of my friends have, or had, dementia. (Remember, she doesn't have many peers left.) "There's no dementia in my head yet, and my husband didn't have it either."
Attitude: Pauline describes herself as outgoing and she enjoys time with friends, family and neighbors. Most importantly, she rolls with whatever happens. "I don't dwell on the negative," she says. Optimism outweighs pessimism.
Luck: Due to my own mother's lack of good fortune—she is nearly blind, extremely hard of hearing, and confined to a wheelchair— I know that people in their 90s who can see and hear well are blessed. Pauline still drives, although she avoids being on the road after dark. Her hearing is sharp. She can read, watch TV, go shopping, take a walk, dance, talk on the phone......all activities my own mother can't enjoy.
Spirituality: Pauline doesn't attend church or identify with any religious group. That doesn't mean she isn't connected to the world beyond.
"I may not pray in the way others do, but every night I commune with all the people I've lost," she says. "It's comforting."
So what did I learn from Pauline?
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| Pauline celebrating her 90th birthday. |
The last time Pauline, age 91, saw her doctor he gave her license to eat whatever she wants.
"My HDL is 96," she mentions casually, referring to a cholesterol number that would make many younger persons swoon. "He told me, eat what you want. You've earned it."
And so she has. She's not sure what her healthy aging secrets are, but she's willing to explore, with a stranger (that's me), how she has arrived in her ninth decade in an enviable condition.
I'm interested because 1) I'm looking at my seventh decade right in its wrinkly face and 2) my mom is approaching 99, and her ninth decade has not gone well for her. During the seven years since my mom relocated from Minnesota to Oregon to live close by, I've spent a lot of time with people in their 80s and 90s. I've seen that so many are absolutely delightful human beings trapped in bodies that have gone south on them. I know, I know. The southward direction is inevitable. But some people seem able to postpone the worst of it, or maybe they're just lucky?
Perhaps Pauline is lucky. I don't know, but I wanted to investigate and maybe pick up a tip or two. I met her at a July party thrown by her son, Scott, and daughter-in-law, friends of mine. I noticed her, an attractive older woman of indeterminate age, but I guessed maybe mid-to-late-seventies. I struck a conversation and my jaw hit the table when I learned that her age exceeded my estimate by about 15 years.
We chatted amiably, and she was soon telling me that she'd been married, happily, for nearly 71 years to a good man named Harry and that they had a lot of sex, because, she volunteered, men like it. Presumably, women too. I loved this! I would never have asked a question that resulted in such a personal revelation, even if I was dying to know. And especially when we'd just met five minutes earlier. She just laughed and said, "My boys (adults in their 60s and 70s)) do not like to hear this, but it's true!"
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That's Pauline on the right dancing with her son on the uneven lawn, to a live band. You see lots of gray hair in this photo, but young families were the predominant demographic. My gray hair is second from the left next to pink-shirted Linda Hugle, Pauline's daughter-in-law.
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| Pauline at 27. |
"I don't know what was worse," she says. "Losing a child or losing my husband after 71 years."
She also has had her own health problems. She lost her thyroid to Hashimoto's disease when she was young and had back surgery in her sixties. The upside? Back rehab introduced her to stretching and back-strengthening exercises, which she still performs daily.
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| Pauline in her younger days, was only 88. |
"The last time we made love, he was 90 and had not yet been diagnosed with cancer," she recalls. "Once he started treatment, life as we knew it was over. It was very sad. I think he should not have had radiation at his age. He would have died anyway, but he would have had a better quality of life."
He died in her arms in the house they'd occupied for 58 years, a home she vows not to leave.
"I'll probably die right here," she says. "My boys worry about me and want me to move closer to family, but I can't leave my home."
Not that she's thinking about dying anytime soon. "I know it's coming, but I do not dwell on it,' she says, dismissing death as if it's something you can stash in the cupboard and take out if you want to get philosophical.
What she focuses on is enjoying life and staying healthy. I vote for that! Here's what she does, and what she thinks, about elements believed to be important to longevity and living a vibrant life.
Good genes: She doesn't necessarily have them. Her father died in his 50s and her mother her 70s. Her three siblings are also deceased. The last to depart was an older sister, who died at 88.
Cosmetic surgery: She hasn't had it. For years she used a dermatologist-prescribed skin cream that contained Retin-A. Now she uses an over-the-counter Neutrogena product containing retin-A.
Diet: She's no purist, and says she's eaten the same way her entire life: meat, potatoes, a vegetable and salad for dinner in small portions. Now that she's alone, she doesn't cook much. "I HATE to cook" she insists, but she sometimes drives to a nearby Kentucky Fried Chicken franchise for takeout.
Medications: She takes thyroid meds as her thyroid was removed. She takes one-a day vitamins and calcium.
The surprise in her medicine cabinet is something hardly anyone her age is prescribed ......are you ready.....ESTROGEN. She has been taking it daily for 45 years, ever since her uterus was removed due to endometriosis in her mid-forties.
"My doctor doesn't want to keep prescribing it, but I keep insisting!" she says.
Why don't all post-menopausal women clamor for estrogen? Is the hormone the underlying secret to her good health and her good looks? I'm not going to tackle trying to answer that question, but it is food for thought.
One thing I do know is that estrogen if taken alone causes thickening of the uterine walls and may trigger cancer. That's why menopausal women are prescribed progesterone in combination with estrogen, to negate estrogen's effects on the uterus. But Pauline doesn't have a uterus. And in 45 years on estrogen, she's suffered no ill effects and perhaps enjoyed some highly beneficial ones.
Sleep: She gets 8-10 unmedicated hours a night, and rarely naps.
Exercise: Religious about it. She puts in a half-hour every morning before she has coffee or breakfast. She does stretching and strengthening exercises beginning by drawing her legs into her chest before she gets out of bed. She cleans her own house but hires a gardener for the lawn and landscaping.
She still walks a mile most days and recalls with fondness when she and her husband walked every day around two lakes near their home. She grew up dancing and still loves it. She sometimes plays her favorite music, mostly 40s era big band tunes, and dances around the house. Dances around the house.
I have to ask. When's the last time you danced around your house? When's the last time I danced around mine? I'm with Pauline in believing that dancing is the best of all aerobic activities and that it elevates mood right along with heart rate.
It goes without saying that Pauline does not require a walker or a cane, let alone a wheelchair.
Soundness of mind: "A lot of my friends have, or had, dementia. (Remember, she doesn't have many peers left.) "There's no dementia in my head yet, and my husband didn't have it either."
Attitude: Pauline describes herself as outgoing and she enjoys time with friends, family and neighbors. Most importantly, she rolls with whatever happens. "I don't dwell on the negative," she says. Optimism outweighs pessimism.
Luck: Due to my own mother's lack of good fortune—she is nearly blind, extremely hard of hearing, and confined to a wheelchair— I know that people in their 90s who can see and hear well are blessed. Pauline still drives, although she avoids being on the road after dark. Her hearing is sharp. She can read, watch TV, go shopping, take a walk, dance, talk on the phone......all activities my own mother can't enjoy.
Spirituality: Pauline doesn't attend church or identify with any religious group. That doesn't mean she isn't connected to the world beyond.
"I may not pray in the way others do, but every night I commune with all the people I've lost," she says. "It's comforting."
So what did I learn from Pauline?
- Keep active and exercise no matter what. Increasing strength, balance, and endurance is all good, all the time.
- If you have a resilient spirit, guard it against negativity.
- Use a good skin cream containing Retin-A.
- Don't obsess about a particular diet. Moderation in all things.
- Stay close to your partner in every way. Nurture the relationship.
- Look on the bright side. Choose it. Don't let darkness, your own or others', bring you down.
- Be grateful.
- Be accepting.
- Dance more!
