Saturday, December 15, 2012

Turning the Tables on Elderly Mom

Mom's handiwork.
See this? My MOM made it! In 1992! 

 I was flitting from table to table in the dining room at my mom's assisted living place, inviting residents to admire her handiwork, which they did. Politely. This is just a tiny piece of her work, I gushed. She was never without a project! 

I spoke as if the residents weren't facing the same issues of loss and diminishment. As if they all hadn't accomplished wonderful things and didn't have boatloads of great tales to tell and mementos to show and memories to share.

You can see at the bottom where she embroidered her initials and the date. I blathered on. She was YOUNG then. Only 76. 

Then I went to work on the staff. After the housekeeping director expressed the proper admiration, she said: You're very proud of your mother, aren't you?

I hooted. I've never thought of myself as being "proud of my mother." But it became clear at that moment, that yes, I am. Proud of my mother. I laughed at myself for boasting about her accomplishments.  Why laugh? Because this is what she used to do to me! Except I was painfully aware (as she isn't) and so embarrassed by all those incidents of what I knew to be overblown praise and admiration.

Now I'm getting her back. I guess it's OK that she's not really aware that I'm tearing around the dining room with her counted cross stitch Santa Claus practically grabbing innocent old people by the throat as if to say, Don't dismiss her! She's still in there! 

My mom is three weeks from turning 97. She is unable to hear or see much, and her hands long ago lost the dexterity for intricate handwork. She nods off a lot during the day, requires assistance for "tasks of daily living," uses a wheelchair, and recently was identified as someone who needs "plate guards" to keep her food from ending up in her lap.

It is difficult to watch, this mother who grows so old before my eyes and diminishes every day. But I'll tell you what I'm proud of, in addition to needlework she accomplished decades earlier: her continuing spark. She can't see, can't hear, and still she can't stand to miss anything.

The other day, I mentioned to her that bingo was scheduled for that afternoon. But as we both know, bingo (her favorite now that her brain/hands/eyes don't work well enough to play bridge), often doesn't occur because people fail to show up. Here's what she says about that: They complain there's nothing to do, but when there is something, they can't get out of their apartments. That's old people for you!
A recent photo of mom playing bingo, with the help of her friend.

Then I took her in to have her maddening ears cleaned. They were clogged with wax, stuffed back in there by those big almost useless hearing aids. In conversation, she'd forgotten something important we'd talked about last week—the death of a relative. When I reminded her she said, Not even all that ear wax can keep things in my head! See how smart she is? How funny?

 For about 12 years I wrote a weekly newspaper column, and one piece was devoted to the mother/daughter relationship. I couldn't help but think of it when I figured out the tables have turned. An excerpt from the old column follows.

But first, one more thing. I realize now that her unearned praise made me stronger. I didn't understand until much later that some mothers neglect to pile positive adjectives on their kids, or look at them with such admiration and love that the kid can just about get knocked over. In my teens, this was excruciating. Even into my 40s, as described below, her "pride" in me was embarrassing. But I think now I need to say, thanks mom, for believing I was more than OK .

Grants Pass Daily Courier, Second Thoughts column, early 1980s (excerpt)
Mother/daughter dynamic still sparkles, sparks

My mother and I were browsing in an antique store close to where I live. She'd come from South Dakota for a visit. The proprietress was minding her own business, or trying to, when my mother spoke up."This is your neighbor!" she said, referring to me. "You do know who she is, don't you?"
My father, Floyd, and mom, LaVone when they were about the age I am now.
She was still bragging up a storm about her "wonderful daughter." My father died in 2006 at 93.
"Mother!" I hissed, my face flooding with color. I knew what she was up to. She was going to brag about me to a stranger who could care less who I was. What's more, she was going to feel no remorse even though my discomfort was immediate and acute.

My mother seemed displeased that the antique store lady didn't know me.
"Well!" she said "This is Mary Korbulic. She writes for the Daily Courier!"

She delivered this information as if I was a Pulitzer Prize winner from the New York Times. She smirked and awaited a response, which she expected to be genuflection or an autograph request.
The woman smiled politely and said, "How nice. I think I have seen your name." She cast me a sympathetic look.

I am a middle-aged woman, but at that moment I squirmed like I did as a child when my mother launched into her bragging-about-nothing routine. When I was a senior in high school, she was still begging me to dance for company. That's right Dance For Company. I finally figured out how to get out of doing the "frug", if you can remember what that is.

When I brought home one A, mostly Bs and one C on my first college report card, she became the town crier. It was unsafe to go with her anywhere as she carried a copy of my grade report in her purse and would whip it out for anyone who made eye contact. She really did this.

"How nice," people would say.

 Privately I admonished her, as I had countless times. It is good at any age to have at least one person who thinks everything you do is wonderful and you are the most clever person ever, not to mention the best looking, but could she please stop sharing her  opinion?

No, she said. She could not stop. "You might as well get used to it," she said, turning away. She did not stop, and I did not get used to it.

(Being a parent now of two fantastic, brilliant, daring, and gorgeous sons, plus the grandmother of the cutest, smartest, funniest grandson who ever toddled on the earth, I kinda get it now.)




Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Pain in the ass Turkey Soup and an Epiphany

A rich turkey broth with broccoli, cauliflower, mushrooms, and red bell peppers. 
Before writing this post, I searched my freezer for the carcass of one of our two Thanksgiving turkeys. Yes, TWO.  That's what happens when you're feeding 22 people for four days.
I was going to take a photo, but the freezer is way too full and somehow, the remaining carcass got buried. But I think you know what a turkey carcass looks like, plus all the bits and pieces that get left on the carving platter.

For the cook, a turkey carcass is not joy-inspiring. It means work. Worthwhile work, to be sure, but through the years, I know that making stock from a turkey carcass is a pain in the ass despite the lovely outcome. 

It's the outcome, of course, that keeps me coming back. Plus the fact that I am unable to throw a turkey carcass out. Who can toss all that great flavor into the trash?

Opening a box or (gasp!) a can of poultry broth doesn't even come close. If you have a turkey or chicken carcass, here's how to make a wonderful stock, which is the basis for all great soup. 

Turkey Stock Ingredients (same goes for chicken)
  • Turkey carcass, stripped of most of its meat. Save the meat for casseroles, sandwiches, or to add to the soup.
  • 1 large  onion or 2 medium onions, cut into quarters
  • 5-6 celery stalks, cut into 4-inch pieces (More or less.)
  • 5 or 6 cloves of smashed garlic
  • 2 large carrots, cut into 3-inch pieces (Optional. Most stock recipes call for carrots, but why? They don't add flavor, that I  can tell. But they probably add vitamins. Carrots are carby, so if you use them to pump up nutrition in the stock, sieve them out in the end.) 
  • Fresh or dried thyme, 3 sprigs. Optional.
  • Fresh or dried oregano, a small fistful if fresh, a tablespoon if dry. Optional
  • Fresh parsley, a handful. Optional.
  • Leftover gravy. If you have it, use it all!
  • Boxed chicken broth 
  • Salt and pepper to taste

Stock Directions
  1. Dump the turkey carcass into a large stock pot, breaking it up to fit. Add onions, celery, garlic, and carrots and herbs, if using.
  2. Add boxed chicken broth, water, gravy, whatever you have. It isn't necessary to cover the carcass, but it should be at least half-way covered. Bring to a boil and then simmer, covered, for a couple hours. Stir occasionally so that all of the carcass gets boiled. The turkey meat should be coming off the bones and the veggies should be soft. Remove from heat and allow to cool, but not completely. 
  3. Here comes the major pain in the ass part. Get another large pot or bowl, place colander or sieve over it, and dump the turkey carcass and cooked veggies in to drain.
  4. Allow the liquid to drain into the second stockpot. That's the good stuff, the bona fide STOCK dribbling into that pot.
  5. Allow the stock to cool so that the fat solidifies enough to spoon most of it off. 
  6. In the meantime, you get to separate the meat from the carcass. Unless you want to just dispense with this step entirely. You already have the stock, which is the most important thing.
EPIPHANY! Dang. I never considered this! Until now! Next time, I may just strip the carcass super clean in the first place and not bother with this step. Because separating the bits and pieces of meat from the boiled bones and now-slimy veggies is such a pain. In yes, the ASS. Those boiled soft and slimy veggies do not make their way into the actual soup. Ok. I'm talking to myself now.
I will never again sift through a boiled turkey carcass to salvage bits and pieces of protein, even though I did it for 30 some years, and you can if you want. But not me. Wow, am I liberated or what? Old dog learning new tricks here! 

How is it that writing something down can make you realize the stupidity of doing what you've always done?!? I admit that not even the cat likes the boiled turkey. I am feeling SO liberated! Remove the meat from the boiled turkey carcass only if you're feeling particularly guilty about having too much food when so many in the world are starving. Otherwise, boil the carcass with the veggies and herbs, drain the stock, and say good riddance as you dump the bones and boiled veggies into the trash. Whooop!

Turkey Soup 
  • 6-8 cups of turkey stock
  • 2 cups of turkey meat (Approximate. Preferably not boiled)
  • (1 hot Italian sausage cut into the soup is a flavor bonus) 
  • 1 cup broccoli florets, cut into same-size pieces
  • 1 cup cauliflower florets, cut into same-size pieces
  • 1 cup dried or fresh mushrooms
  • 1 large sweet red, yellow, or orange bell pepper, cut into strips
  • smoked or regular salt to taste
  • pepper to taste
  • hot stuff (pepper flakes, garlic-chili sauce, serrano sauce) to taste

Soup Directions
  1. Prepare stock (have fun!)
  2. Set aside bite-sized pieces of turkey, preferably not boiled but those that were stripped from the carcass before the bird got boiled.
  3. Slice raw or pre-cooked sausage into bite-sized pieces, if using
  4. Cut up veggies into similar-sized pieces
  5. Heat stock and add cut-up sausage. Bring to a boil for a few minutes. 
  6. Add raw cut-up mushrooms or dried mushrooms. Cook until mushrooms are rehydrated or soft. 
  7. Add broccoli. Cook on medium for a couple minutes. 
  8. Add cauliflower. Cook a few more minutes. 
  9. Shortly before serving, add the turkey and peppers. You want the broccoli, cauliflower, and peppers to be tender but not limp. The broccoli should still be bright green. Adjust seasonings. I like smoked salt. 
Options: As a low-carb person, I avoid lentils, rice, beans potatoes, pasta and so on. If you don't care about carbs, then add any of these, or other starchy ingredients, to the soup.

Serve with a dollop of sour cream, chipotle or Sriracha chili sauce. 














Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Thanksgiving Leftovers-Time Spinning Reckless


This year our Thanksgiving group gathered near Squaw Valley at Lake Tahoe.
The weather was glorious, and we spent most of one day at this beach. Some even took a dip. 
Maybe this post title should be "Thanksgiving Afterglow" or "Thanksgiving Rocks" or something other than what "Thanksgiving Leftovers" connotes. True, I will soon get to an easy breezy super-good low-carb leftover turkey recipe.


But the big story, for me, is that the Thanksgiving celebration PK and I share annually with family, dear friends, and, always, a few newcomers, provides a lasting burst of energy and hope. Leftovers, so to speak. 


Leftovers, that unlike turkey, which disappears into soups, casseroles, sandwiches within a week, will continue forever. How could I ever forget this picture of grandson Noah "smiling" for the camera with his uncle Chris  trying to match his enthusiasm? And so many other great moments.
Here we are, recovered from Thanksgiving-feast comas and ready to play beach games. 
After five years, our cross-generational Thanksgiving group has grown to 20+, a number we hold steady as the desire to include others, and the reality that too many would complicate our accommodation requirements and the intimacy that's central to the whole deal, makes us curb our enthusiasm.

Renting a place to accommodate 20 -25 is a challenge. Having a great time with that number, however, is no problem. We long ago progressed beyond the one-day celebration and are now up to three to five days. Heavy feasting. Immoderate wine drinking. Tireless dancing. Animated conversation. Hiking. Spirited ping pong. A horseshoe-like game called washoes. And whatever outdoor activities the weather or terrain allows. All make for a colorful whirl of time spinning, reckless, on fast forward. 

This annual gathering, and also friendships and traditional celebrations that have gone before, remind me of what matters: honesty, friendships, old and new; family, whether blood-related or not; zest for life; traditions, both established and developing; flexibility; and maybe most important, recognizing that although the universe doesn't give a crap about you, your friends and family do.

And you care about them. Big time. What's more important than that? (Maybe zest for life, if you can manage that on your own.)

Here's a compilation of photos from this year's Thanksgiving celebration with credit to Steve Lambros and Laurie Gerloff (and me) with others from Lauren Frank, Gail Frank, Paula Stone, Chris Korbulic and Tom Landis.


The Goods

Here's that pretty dang good and super easy recipe for leftover turkey. Cooking is a shared responsibility at Thanksgiving, and PK and I were in charge of turkey this year. We brought two; one fresh, one smoked, around 19 pounds each. We ended up with mostly smoked turkey leftovers—a good thing! Because I used smoked turkey for this casserole, I didn't add any salt. If your turkey isn't brined or salty, you may need to add a little punch.
All ingredients are leftovers. I brought the artichoke/jalapeno dip and raw broccoli for appetizers that didn't get used. As usual, we had way too much food despite our pledge to go light. Ha! For a similar result, you could add YOUR leftovers and tie it all together with a pre-made sauce or dip, such as the artichoke jalapeno concoction. 

Turkey Snap - Broccoli, Artichoke/Jalapeno Turkey Casserole
Serves four. Bake in a 9X13 casserole at 350 for 30-35 minutes to bake. FIVE MINUTE prep.
Ingredients
  • 2 (approximate) cups Costco's Stonemill Kitchen's artichoke jalapeno dip (1 carb for 2 TBSP), enough to cover the casserole bottom.
  • Sliced cooked turkey, enough to cover the dip. Turkey may be smoked or roasted. I used smoked. HAM could be substituted.
  • 2-3 cups raw broccoli florets, cut into bite-sized pieces. (Save time. Buy precut and trimmed in a bag.) 
  • 3/4 cup chopped onion
  • Grated cheese, cheddar, Parmesan, or whatever you have on hand, enough to spread on top of the casserole.
  • Salt and pepper to taste. Note: If you use smoked turkey or ham, additional salt could be overkill. 
Directions
  1. Preheat the oven to 350.
  2. Spread enough artichoke jalapeno dip in the bottom of the casserole dish to cover it with 1/4 to 1/3 inch.
  3. Arrange sliced turkey or ham generously atop the dip. 
  4. Mix remaining dip with the raw broccoli and diced onions. The mixture should be visibly covered with the dip, but not thickly. If the mixture seems too dry, and you ran out of the dip, add mayo. Too little is better than too much.
  5. Spread the broccoli/dip mix atop the turkey slices.
  6. Cover with foil and bake for 25 minutes.
  7. Remove from oven and uncover. Top with grated cheese and pop back into the oven for 5-7 minutes. Remove when cheese is melted, and let rest for a few minutes before serving.  
Note: The broccoli will still be al dente after 25 minutes. If you like broccoli more tender, give the covered casserole another 10 minutes in the oven before melting the cheese. 


Monday, November 19, 2012

Hello Winter Salsa

Fall is so beautiful in Southern Oregon. Our own country road, about to take a sharp left to follow the blackberry fence. 
Fall tantalized us for a long time with summerish temps. That was then. It is now winter, just in time for Thanksgiving, which seems an odd time to be slicing and dicing the season's final pico de gallo with tomatoes harvested just last week. That is so late. We haven't had a hard frost yet, which is so unusual. But I'll take the tomatoes, even if they are mottled and wimpy.
Late late season tomatoes, a surprise harvest from plants we didn't have time to pull before our wonderful Blues Cruise earlier this month. Late tomatoes are pretty much limited to Roma types.
Pico de gallo. Definitely the year's last, and blurry!
Off season, I use canned tomatoes. It's not fresh salsa, but still good! 
We still have jalapenos and a few sweet peppers to add to salsas and stir fries.

Winter Salsa

1 large can (one size up from soup cans) whole tomatoes, preferably Roma type. A quart of home-canned tomatoes will do
1/3 cup diced onion. Use green onions or a sweet onion, if possible
2-5 sliced, diced jalapeno peppers. Seed and remove white membranes unless you want a lot of heat
Pepper flakes to taste
Juice of a half lemon (depending upon size)
1 tsp cumin
1 tsp sweetener, if desired
1/2 to 1 cup cleaned and dried cilantro leaves
salt to taste
Note: In the absence of fresh peppers, I use pepper sauces or flakes to add heat. 
DIRECTIONS
Use a food processor. Place onions and peppers into the work bowl and process briefly. Drain the canned tomatoes and save juice for another use. (How about a bloody Mary?) Add whole tomatoes, lemon juice, cumin, sweetener, if using, and cumin. Process until tomatoes are how you like them. I prefer chunky. Add the cilantro and a pinch of salt, if using. Let salsa mellow for a few minutes. Then taste and adjust. 
Fall photos below. 

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Post Blues Cruise Stress Syndrome (PBCSS)


Hoisting a mojito on a Puerto Rican beach. The Blues Cruise began and ended in San Juan, Puerto Rico. There's a wonderful Old Town there, and also a World Heritage site.
 And we saw some amazing Flamenco dancers.

I overheard a dejected fellow Blues Cruiser complain that she was suffering from this painful syndrome (PBCSS) a week ago. We (all 2,500) Blues Cruisers were disembarking at the ungodly hour of 8 a.m. from the Celebrity Summit cruise ship after seven raucous, rock n' rollin, bluesin' n bumpin', grindin' n growlin' days at sea with a boatload of blues musicians. And also some bluegrass, honky tonk, boogie woogie, jazzy, funky musicians, on the Legendary Rhythm and Blues Cruise. Well, it was just great.
  • Live music from late afternoon til early morning, except on "sail days" when it began around 11 a..m.. Some jams lasted until nearly 9 a.m. Or so I heard.
Susan Tedeschi (in the middle} was one of several musicians who stepped up for the North Mississippi All-Stars when their main guy's arrival was delayed by Hurricane Sandy. 
  • Cruise fare. Sumptuous, over-the-top, and it seems "free" even though we paid in advance.
Some type of fancy carbohydrate with happy server.

Shrimp chilling in one of many ice sculptures.
  • Invisible beings constantly cleaning our "room." (We're not at the "suite" level of accommodation, but felt like privileged beings nonetheless.) 
  • Fun like-minded cruisers all wrapped up in the music.
  • License to stay up all night partying. Well, not all night, but I made it past 4 a.m. a few times.
  • Wonderful islands to explore, however briefly.
  • Riding the elevator with Derek Trucks, Taj Mahal, Susan Tedeschi, Ana Popavic, Victor Wainwright and other luminaries.  Excuse me for name dropping, but .....

This was a vacation in the best sense of the word. It was loaded with surprises, delights, and star-studded moments, and was a complete departure from my ordinary life. For one thing, no cooking for 10 days!
More photos:

But....there's something called Cruise Guilt.  I experienced my usual dilemma when faced with the reality of being one of the luckiest people on earth. Lucky by accidents of birth and marriage. Lucky because an "invisible" person who works umpteen hours a day cleaned up after me. Lucky because I had at my disposal enough food to feed a small nation. Lucky because, unlike so many people on the streets of the four tropical islands we visited, I have all my teeth.

I have never visited a developing or Third World country—or impoverished areas in the USA— without the contrast between lucky me and seemingly unlucky "them" creating grey clouds that cast shadows on my usually sunny disposition. It's compassion, but it doesn't go far enough. I've beat myself up about the disparity of being on the "have" side of the haves and have-nots since I was a child. Sure, I give to charities, and I don't try to barter with street vendors. Just give 'em what they ask, or more than they ask. During one especially odd time in my adult life, when I was thinking about What would Jesus do?, I toyed with giving everything away and living an ascetic life. This was, of course, impossible because I was married with children, and I did not want to give the husband or the children away.

We left the alternative-reality-bubble-of-excess of the cruise ship four times to make quick swipes around tropical islands: Dominica (my favorite), Barbados, St. Lucia, and Martinique. Reentry into ordinary life was rugged. Harsh, as my friend Laurie noted as we spent nearly 18 butt-numbing hours traveling from Puerto Rico back to Oregon. Traveling away from powdery white sand, azure bathtub ocean water and round-the-clock world-class entertainment. Back to......well, what is it we have here? The first few days were unseasonably warm and sunny and we harvested some surprise tomatoes. But now reality has descended and it is definitely dreary fall/winter. I will hang onto that great moment drifting in the swimming-pool colored Caribbean trying to keep my rum drink from taking the sea.
Yes, that's the Caribbean, not a swimming pool, and my rum drink remained saltwater-free.

I will also cherish moments such as this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IPZWOigBmG0, when the female musicians on board absolutely kicked it. That was one of the best spontaneous performances I have ever seen.

And now. Back to every day. What's up here in Ordinary Life? This afternoon I played Skip Bo with my 96-year-old mom and other ancients at her assisted-living place,where I visit almost daily. Rotary projects include boosting membership. Women's Crisis Support Team Circle of Friends online newsletter writing is in my immediate future. Fall/winter gardening continues. Thanksgiving plans are coming together.

Ahhhh, Thanksgiving. A cherished time with friends and family and an opportunity to  officially thank the Universe for blessings great and small. Going on the Blues Cruise? Definitely on the "worthy of  gratitude" list.